I was 3 when my mother left - I dont remember much but I do remember things.
I remember my dad stood at the front door and my mum holding my hand jsut 4ft away. She wouldn't let me get my teddy. She wouldn't let go of my hand. She said it was daddy's fault I didn't have my teddy. Daddy should have packed it.
I remember a new uncle coming round a lot. He always had a pad of paper and a pen. He wore a suit and always asked lots of questions about how we were. We being my older sister and I.
I remember being left alone in the house whilst she chatted on the phone. I climbed on the kitchen sides as I was hungry and she wasn't listening to me. I ate a pot of multi-vitamin tablets thinking they were smarties. Daddy found the empty packet and took me to casualty.
I remember my mother taking me for a walk - 1/2m down the road. She used the phone box. It was one of the old red ones. It's still there now. She made a call and left me outside for over half an hour.
I remember not hearing from my mother for months. I remember her missing my birthday. Christmas. Birthday. Christmas and the suddenly a birthday card and present. It was an all in one PJ suit thing. It was for a girl 2 yrs older than me. It fitted my dad!
I remember my granny. She came and lived with us so dad could work enough hours to keep us in a nice home and feed. She looked after me when I was ill.
I remember my sister leaving home and going to school and having a teacher ask "are you OK are your parents taking it out on you?"
I remember years passing without contact. I got married, changed my name and moved to a new house, new village with an X-directory number. My mother called me.
Two years later. New house. New village. My mother and sister turn up at the door.
Two years later I'm out running and a stranger stops me and ask if I am XX and that they know me through my mother and know all about me. I remember feeling scared, stalked and physically sick.
Two years later I remember collecting Gnome from school and finding my mother and sister at the school gates. They followed me talking and grabbing me preventing me from crossing the road. Scaring Gnome and on lookers. I remember crying in the arms of my childminder who lived closest to the school and whose house I "escaped" too. I felt stalked and scared and hunted down.
As the years have passed I have learnt things about my mother. She wasn't my mother, she was a woman who gave birth to me and that's all. She never cared. If she had I wouldn't have the above memories. I would have memories of visits to the park to play, of baking cakes, of watching birds, catching butterflies, swimming, playing, laughing and having fun. I don't have any of those memories and I don't have any recollection of feeling loved or wanted.
Memories .... memories are made and are kept forever and will hide at the back of your mind to be pulled out when needed.
That's why you have fun with your family, say "I love you!", hug, love, play and bond. That's why whatever happens in your life the kids come first. If there is no kids just make sure you share that love with those in your life that you care for. Pick up the phone and tell your parents/grandparents you love them. Turn to your partner and say how much you care and love them. Look to the sky and whisper/shout to those whom you have loved and lost and remember them too and tell them you love them and that you won't forget them either.
Life's too short for bad memories - lets go make some good memories!
Sweet dreams everyone!
Pix
I remember my dad stood at the front door and my mum holding my hand jsut 4ft away. She wouldn't let me get my teddy. She wouldn't let go of my hand. She said it was daddy's fault I didn't have my teddy. Daddy should have packed it.
I remember a new uncle coming round a lot. He always had a pad of paper and a pen. He wore a suit and always asked lots of questions about how we were. We being my older sister and I.
I remember being left alone in the house whilst she chatted on the phone. I climbed on the kitchen sides as I was hungry and she wasn't listening to me. I ate a pot of multi-vitamin tablets thinking they were smarties. Daddy found the empty packet and took me to casualty.
I remember my mother taking me for a walk - 1/2m down the road. She used the phone box. It was one of the old red ones. It's still there now. She made a call and left me outside for over half an hour.
I remember not hearing from my mother for months. I remember her missing my birthday. Christmas. Birthday. Christmas and the suddenly a birthday card and present. It was an all in one PJ suit thing. It was for a girl 2 yrs older than me. It fitted my dad!
I remember my granny. She came and lived with us so dad could work enough hours to keep us in a nice home and feed. She looked after me when I was ill.
I remember my sister leaving home and going to school and having a teacher ask "are you OK are your parents taking it out on you?"
I remember years passing without contact. I got married, changed my name and moved to a new house, new village with an X-directory number. My mother called me.
Two years later. New house. New village. My mother and sister turn up at the door.
Two years later I'm out running and a stranger stops me and ask if I am XX and that they know me through my mother and know all about me. I remember feeling scared, stalked and physically sick.
Two years later I remember collecting Gnome from school and finding my mother and sister at the school gates. They followed me talking and grabbing me preventing me from crossing the road. Scaring Gnome and on lookers. I remember crying in the arms of my childminder who lived closest to the school and whose house I "escaped" too. I felt stalked and scared and hunted down.
As the years have passed I have learnt things about my mother. She wasn't my mother, she was a woman who gave birth to me and that's all. She never cared. If she had I wouldn't have the above memories. I would have memories of visits to the park to play, of baking cakes, of watching birds, catching butterflies, swimming, playing, laughing and having fun. I don't have any of those memories and I don't have any recollection of feeling loved or wanted.
Memories .... memories are made and are kept forever and will hide at the back of your mind to be pulled out when needed.
That's why you have fun with your family, say "I love you!", hug, love, play and bond. That's why whatever happens in your life the kids come first. If there is no kids just make sure you share that love with those in your life that you care for. Pick up the phone and tell your parents/grandparents you love them. Turn to your partner and say how much you care and love them. Look to the sky and whisper/shout to those whom you have loved and lost and remember them too and tell them you love them and that you won't forget them either.
Life's too short for bad memories - lets go make some good memories!
Sweet dreams everyone!
Pix
Comments
I salute you
To grow up and grow through such problems shows great character
on somehow on
Pix-the nosey bit of me wants to know why you thoughtof this now
will look at my mail once i am home
have a nice day
Now work can spy