Well I went to bed and slept like a log and woke up determined to be a happy pixie and not the sulking stroppy pixie I was yesterday. For some reason I was really low which is so unlike me I'm never down so it was a bit of a shock and, bless him, Leon was there on SkyPe to pick me up. Thanks
Anyway I considered a lunchtime potter and decided instead to go for an evening swim (boys could have sausages that way). It was a glorious day and my drive to work was sunnies on, window down, music too loud and singing (see I WOULD be happy!)
By about 10 I was think "why didn't I bring my kit!" and by 12 I had decided to actually go and buy some kit so I could have a run before my swim!
That's were it all went wrong. Five shops later and nothing. I couldn't find a sports bra supportive enough (or big enough!) and the shorts/tee/Capri's I did find went on but looked awful. I stood in the changing room and stared at the mirror close to tears. All I could see was massive arse, thighs, belly and a frumpy short arse. I slopped back to work feeling very low and also very angry.
I was angry at myself for getting this way and angry for not being able to get kit, and angry at being a lazy slob lately and .... the list went on.
Work calling a meeting to say there was a pay freeze didn't help either.
So anyway I drove home heading for the pool. I got to the roundabout at the A42 and remembered the pool (straight on) is closed Friday's for the swimming club. I could have turned left and gone home ... instead I took the 1st exit and drove 4m back towards work and went to the other pool. This meant I couldn't have run even if i had wanted to without being late into the pool! Public swim starts at 6 and I was there at 5.50. By poolside at 6 only to be told we had to wait 10mins whilst they cleared the stuff from the inflatables session!
By this time my annoyance had calmed but I now had 1m in mind. That's 64 lengths, and by gum was I gonna do them! Problem was after about 10 lengths I realised I had left my drink in my locker, no worries I think. I'm well fuelled up (don't even go there) so no problem. Then I get wobbly. I have the "Plenty of fuel" argument with myself and carry on. At 50lengths I realise there was no getting out of this. I was dehydrated. I got out of the pool and got my drink. I was shaking and weak - not nice. It had to be dehydration as I know I had enough food today! I drank all 500ml straight down. Yep dehydration. Then back to the pool to finish my mile. Still not great but I WAS doing that bliddy mile.
I finished in about 54 mins. Changed and ate an apple and pear straight away as I still felt a bit wobbly.
Back home the grumps returned (should have done a whole hour seeing as I was so close etc) and the Easter egg is now gone!
I now know I have to do the following:
I'm at this point as I put myself here. I have no-one else to blame. I wasn't forced to sit on my butt or eat high calorie food but I did. Time to stop dicking about and do something about it or I will be in the same situation 6mths down the line plodding along wishing I was slimmer and working else where!
Anyway I considered a lunchtime potter and decided instead to go for an evening swim (boys could have sausages that way). It was a glorious day and my drive to work was sunnies on, window down, music too loud and singing (see I WOULD be happy!)
By about 10 I was think "why didn't I bring my kit!" and by 12 I had decided to actually go and buy some kit so I could have a run before my swim!
That's were it all went wrong. Five shops later and nothing. I couldn't find a sports bra supportive enough (or big enough!) and the shorts/tee/Capri's I did find went on but looked awful. I stood in the changing room and stared at the mirror close to tears. All I could see was massive arse, thighs, belly and a frumpy short arse. I slopped back to work feeling very low and also very angry.
I was angry at myself for getting this way and angry for not being able to get kit, and angry at being a lazy slob lately and .... the list went on.
Work calling a meeting to say there was a pay freeze didn't help either.
So anyway I drove home heading for the pool. I got to the roundabout at the A42 and remembered the pool (straight on) is closed Friday's for the swimming club. I could have turned left and gone home ... instead I took the 1st exit and drove 4m back towards work and went to the other pool. This meant I couldn't have run even if i had wanted to without being late into the pool! Public swim starts at 6 and I was there at 5.50. By poolside at 6 only to be told we had to wait 10mins whilst they cleared the stuff from the inflatables session!
By this time my annoyance had calmed but I now had 1m in mind. That's 64 lengths, and by gum was I gonna do them! Problem was after about 10 lengths I realised I had left my drink in my locker, no worries I think. I'm well fuelled up (don't even go there) so no problem. Then I get wobbly. I have the "Plenty of fuel" argument with myself and carry on. At 50lengths I realise there was no getting out of this. I was dehydrated. I got out of the pool and got my drink. I was shaking and weak - not nice. It had to be dehydration as I know I had enough food today! I drank all 500ml straight down. Yep dehydration. Then back to the pool to finish my mile. Still not great but I WAS doing that bliddy mile.
I finished in about 54 mins. Changed and ate an apple and pear straight away as I still felt a bit wobbly.
Back home the grumps returned (should have done a whole hour seeing as I was so close etc) and the Easter egg is now gone!
I now know I have to do the following:
- take a packed lunch and no/little money
- try to run/walk every lunchtime to stop morning snacking
- do some weights
- lose weight
- regain my confidence
- do some learning when "bored" at work
- get some new clothes and a new job!
I'm at this point as I put myself here. I have no-one else to blame. I wasn't forced to sit on my butt or eat high calorie food but I did. Time to stop dicking about and do something about it or I will be in the same situation 6mths down the line plodding along wishing I was slimmer and working else where!
Comments
Also Pix... some of the things you say in this post makes me wonder whether you find weight loss difficult due to insulin resistance..? Due to Polycystic ovarian syndrome perhaps..? Google it and read up. Usual treatment I think is the correct contraceptive pills. You don't necessarily have to have all the hairiness and problem periods for it to be diagnosed (I didn't).
If it IS PCOS... um, no offense but it's a bugger to lose weight (believe me I know) and no amount of low calorie food and exercise shifts it for some considerable time. What I'm saying is... it may not necessarily be a self-blame reason. You can't help your hormones chickie.. they change all over the place as far as I can gather (I'll get to experience two frigging menopauses for example... as well as PCOS hell... all that is aside from chemo-induced-shenanigans with periods!)
Stop bashing yourself up and investigate properly. Read up... look at your physiology and symptomology and visit the GP. My Doc was smashing. Within a few weeks of a decent pill, I was in the gym 2 hours a day, losing weight and eating properly. What kicked it off for me was I was eating junk of course I was... but no more than any bugger else around me and I couldn't no matter what I tried lose weight. Pix... this rings so many bells with me. Just have a think about it anyways. Will check Skype tomorrow.
:o)
Good Luck Pix keep poting and plodding
you are half the size you were last year
i can SEE it
so-you are getting there
but you do need a new job
x
you have to stop equating "thin" with "good" and "fat" with "bad"
Nothing wrong with wanting to shed some poundage to get faster, but you also have to accept who you are
I know damn well that this is easier siad than done
x