Down

To say I feel a bit down and depressed today would be an understatement. I'm totally and utterly pissed off and fed up and annoyed and crap. Just crap. Utterly fecked off to be honest.

Those who know me will realise that this is so not me and therefore realise how fecked off I must be.

This morning. Get up. Have breakfast ready for long run. Walk to paper shop to A) check out weather and B) stretch legs.

I walk down the hill working out what to wear as it isn't that cold actually. I ponder when my next hill work will be (this is the hill I use) and work out which week of my plan I am on (do I need to hassle Spans for a new plan!).

Then I carry on happily "running through" today's planned run. New route so no expectations of time. It's a good day for a long run.

I've been 5mins and yes you guessed it my fecking nose starts to bleed. I've only got 2 manky old torn tissues in my pocket so decided to get the paper from the Tesco express (and some tissues). I get there (2mins further on) and it's stopped. I look at the tissues and think nah it's stopped. I walk to the next aisle, bend down to pick up a paper and oh look blood on the floor. Dash back to tissues (hand under nose to catch drips) grab tissues whilst telling the tesco lady I have to open them before paying. Shove tissue up nose collect papers, tell tesco lady floor needs cleaning, pay and sulk off home. Gutted. Down. Depressed. Fed up.

Since then I've pondered a run and decided "what's the point" if a walk to Tesco makes it bleed what will 8m do. This was followed with "why do I even bother", "I'll never be a good runner", and "might as well give up now".

Seeing the Doc tomorrow when I will say - 7 nose bleeds in the last 4weeks, 3 since Friday morning. I've had more in the last month than the rest of this year I think as it was about 1 a month before I had my nose zapped.

I can't even pin point a trigger. I've had them when asleep, when eating, running, walking, watching TV, blowing nose and whilst sat at work. No connections there then. High HR (running), low HR (sleeping but that was only once). Calm (watching TV, eating dinner), and working. The only thing that I can say is that I've never had my finger up me nose when it bleeds!

So there you are. Pixie is sat under a dark cloud and utterly fed up.